Posted by: txaggiechick | August 30, 2007

The past…

Can anyone ever go back? Can you ever really truly just start over and start fresh without the baggage of past hurts and pains rearing their ugly head? I just find myself wondering. Does time really heal the old wounds between friends? Are there certain transgressions that are truly unforgivable curses? (Yes. I know… I love me some Harry Potter. Shush).

For example, last night I heard from the past. He came knocking on my door in a passive aggressive manner that made me feel more insulted than anything else. I didn’t respond. I didn’t know what else to do. It goes against my grain to be so cold. I hate it when people ignore me and yet that was the only outcome I could think of that would yield the appropriate response. I am at a loss.

I wanted to say hi. I wanted to be me and just say hi and say yes I’m doing excellent. But that would only encourage further interaction and conversation. While I don’t wish him any ill will. I am not seeking to hurt him. I don’t want to encourage any further communication between the two of us. Maybe I’m not as good as I once thought for God would surely tell me to forgive and forget. I just find myself struggling with renewing a friendship with someone who professed to love me and yet vindictively and maliciously attacked me on a very personal level because he felt that I lied to him about some things that were none of his business to begin with.

I can honestly say I’m a better person because of what happened. He taught me that I have to work on communicating better with people and not misset expectations just to be nice. But do I really want to encourage that toxic friendship back into my life? I don’t think so. No. I think I want to move forward and look forward to creating and maintaining good friendships with people instead of revisiting all of those past hurts and craziness. Afterall, the definition of sanity is to repeat the same thing over and over again and expect a different outcome. Maybe I could be a cynic afterall.

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Responses

  1. Actually, that would be the definition for “insanity”. 😉

  2. hahaha you’re right. I AM Insane… I can’t even spell correctly!

    As an update, the past keeps revisiting me. I heard from another crazy person from my past last night. When it rains it pours.


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