Posted by: txaggiechick | May 1, 2008

When is saying, ‘I’m sorry…’ just not enough

Have you ever done something without thinking? Have you ever been emotionally motivated, confused, and reacted without pausing to consider the viewpoint of others? And no I’m not saying that’s an excuse. There are no excuses for hurting someone, intentionally or otherwise. How do you recover from that? How do you apologize for hurting someone because you weren’t thinking and were simply reacting to a bunch of circumstantial information?

So here’s the situation. There’s a person that I admire and respect. He’s my favorite person to hang out with and I really like him for the person that he is. Neither one of us are perfect and I’m not saying that he is but when he lets his guard down and it’s just us being ourselves, he’s one of the most funny amazing people to talk to. I admire his courage, his strength in adversity, his loyalty, his honesty and most of all his humor. That dry wit gets me every time. It doesn’t hurt that he’s competitive, intelligent, and did I mention that sense of humor? I don’t think he sees the awesomeness that I see in him in himself. Did that make sense? probably not… Oh well. The sad thing is. Given all of the awesomeness in a glass that I know about this person, especially how much time we’ve gotten to spend together recently, I chose to listen to some uniformed gossip of a coworker of his. I chose to make assumptions which were not only misinformed but miscalculated and wrong. In doing so I reacted poorly. I should have had the awareness to take a step back and realize that I needed to just ask him… Just ask. Instead of assume. But instead, I boldly go where I should never go. While he may have forgiven me after the umpteenth text message, I don’t know if I can forgive myself yet. He deserves a much better friend than I have ever been to him. Everyone does.

So i ask you my friends, when is saying ‘I’m sorry” just not enough? And when will I ever learn to stop being so impetuous? Am I forever doomed to a life of being misunderstood due to my mistakes and impetuous precocious nature? How does one stop being an asshole and start just being an easy breezy beautiful covergirl?

Edit: Of course after a good night’s rest and a quick 30 minute run this morning, things seem brighter. This was a great reminder that the people I truly care about need to be trusted. It’s amazing how much I learn from my friends that helps me and everyone else become better people. Life’s all about this adventure! The weather here in Houston isn’t bad and the sun is shining. It’s going to be a good day. I can feel it!


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