Posted by: txaggiechick | May 21, 2008

Questions

I’m finding inspiration in the most unlikely places. I noticed an old friend from high school updated her myspace profile yesterday. So I did the most natural thing. I clicked it. Yes. I did. It’s amazing how you can find inspiration in the most unlikely of places. In her new quotation, she had included:

…I would like to beg you dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.

Rainer Maria Rilke, 1903

That might not inspire you or speak to you but wow it had a profound affect on my stressed mental attitude. So I’ve spoken to you about the crazy changes I’m trying to make in my life. One of the biggest ones that I struggle with every day is complaining and not taking 100% responsibility for my attitude and my actions. I never realized before how negative I can be about things that I can’t do anything about. I am also really good (like super bad good) at deflecting my anger from one person onto another. If that was a super power I’d be set for a Heroes audition. What’s sad is that just makes me more upset and annoyed and frustrated because things don’t change. But I find with all things that change is hard to achieve. Maybe one day I’ll learn to stop fighting the current and go with the flow… but until then, I’m going to keep striving for making small changes in my attitude and how I approach problems.

PS I’m excited. Last night I had realized that I had done it again and hadn’t eaten anything all day long so I stopped at an Exxon and got a banana instead of a sugary donut. I actually felt way more satisfied so that when I did stop for dinner I didn’t consume the entire store! It was a good feeling. One which bears repeating.

PPS I can’t wait for this weekend. Although it looks like work is going to mar some of it as I have to fly out to London ASAP. Sigh. If you see me on the interstate with a sign that says “Will route packets for food and a 50″ plasma” pull over and give a girl a break!

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