Posted by: txaggiechick | November 16, 2008

GRRRR. Arrrgh. Sit boo boo sit. Good Dog

Some of you might want to skip this one. I’m just sayin. You’ve been warned. In a world where we all face our problems in various ways and react differently to challenges, I’ve found that this blog helps me be 100% totally brutally honest. So here’s yet another rendition of brutal honesty with some song lyrics mixed in for flava!

There is one stereotype I fully embody as a woman. For a girl who is always pushing the boundaries of stereotypes, this one holds steadfast like the flying of the American Flag on Iwo Jima. I’m a girl who doesn’t know much about cars. I pay other people to know about cars granted even to my own detriment. Although, over the years, I have learned to be more considerate toward my views on car maintenance. I know how to change the oil, find the spark plug, inspect air filters, transmission fluid and oil levels. (See… the girl can learn despite her misgivings!) Oh and I know all about water pumps, combo valves, fuel lines, and fuses! Look at me go! But I prefer not to have to learn if at all possible. Case in point:

As I’ve mentioned before. I hate literally hate, abhor, and despise being vulnerable. It leaves me feeling impotent, empty, and alone. Think being stuck in a garage with all the tools in the world except a hammer when you need to hang a painting, frustrating. And I hate that. I hate not knowing what to do next. I hate being made responsible for a problem and not have a plan. And I hate sitting outside on the curb while my car alarm WILL NOT STOP GOING OFF. It frustrates me when valet attendants can’t tell me how the hell my car (which was perfectly normal when I left it) all of a sudden refuses to shut up. This isn’t a whining child. It’s a freakin car. They see hundreds of them all day long and are entrusted with taking care of them. (at $40/day I might add). I repeat. It’s not a child with human emotions and a lot of variables on why it might be upset. That I can understand not knowing exactly the magic combination to appease. But, It’s a car. It got hit while I was at the wedding reception and now will not for the life of it shut up. And there are 3 men standing there looking dumbly at me placing the problem on my shoulders. Talk about feeling like Atlas or Hercules. Thanks guys. You’re swell. (who shall from this point forward be referred to as TweedleDee, TweedleDum, and TweedleDimwit.) Remorselessly, they stand there and say and I quote, “I’m sorry ma’am but we don’t know what to do. Would you please remove the car from the premises?”. And I hate not knowing what to do. As if by dumb luck, I also locked the keys in the car while trying to pop the hood and disconnect the battery. My day couldn’t have gotten better at this point.

So I did the inevitable. I called for help. Even I know when I need help. I don’t like doing it (especially at the butt crack of dawn on Sunday morning) but I certainly will do so to get a rational explanation of what I need to do. So I called the only two people who know two things: 1) how very frustrated I am and am no longer responsible for the string of cuss words that are coming out of my mouth and 2) know enough about cars to be of help. Probably the first point is more important because they know me so well but they also know that me experiencing this frustration is good for me. Dang them for being so smart. So my brother and my dad calmed me down and gave me what I needed most, options. I was suddenly unstuck and had plenty of options. Unplugging the car battery thankfully stopped the wailing demands of the car. hallelujah!!! Praise the Lord that I can think again!!! Calling the locksmith ironically enough solved both problems. He knew where the magically hidden alarm reset button is (Note to self, locksmiths would make really great honest car theives). He also unlocked my car. It was the best $40 bucks I spent all weekend.

Now for the brutally honest part. I don’t like not knowing what to do. I don’t like not having the first clue how to unstick myself. But I’m learning that the best thing to do is just slow down and ask for help. While Tweedledimwit, TweedleDee, and TweedleDum weren’t any help at all in solving my problem. (yes I’m finding as many ways to stick their names in this story as possible) I knew exactly who to call who could help unstick me. Ironically enough it worked out well. While I was frustrated throughout the process, it did feel good to know that I wasn’t alone and was eventually able to solve my problem and get “On the Road Again… Just can’t wait to get on the Road again” ( a little Willie reference for you!) And I learned something new. Did you know there’s a magic button that will reset your car alarm system? COOL!)

This newfound knowledge extends to multiple areas of my life where I’ve been frustrated and angry. So I’m going to continue to help myself out by taking time out for me. The Round is Not A Shape program is working out well. I’m loving getting back into being active every day and dancing. I’m taking a step back from areas of my life that I’m 100% confident and allowing myself to grow into new areas. The reason I work soo much is because I’m good at it. I know what I’m doing there and I’m always confident that I know how to find the answer or know who to ask for help. But even in areas of work, I struggle with taking credit for my successes. This is because I can tell you exactly how I should have been better, faster, stronger. I’m that tenacious. I’m that demanding of myself. I’m learning to use that tenacity to improve yet not beat myself up about it. Just give me time. Baby steps. And I’m mad that I wasn’t able to be in 3 places at once, at the wedding, at the MS Walk, and at home with my fam. I’m a superfreak. SUPERFREAK!!! She’s super freaky! And yet I’m super forgiving of everyone else. Talk about irony.

I’m also realizing that my life is great! After the wedding this weekend, I’m happier about the choices that I’ve made than ever. That’s not a slight to the choices other people have made but I certainly feel more ME than I have ever. They’re happy with who they are but I’m much happier being me and true to myself. I’m also realizing that the problems I face are quite small in comparison and I’m thankful that my worst problem is that I’m too hard on myself and always trying to constantly compete with me. Metalchick v. Metalchick… who ya got on that bet?

I’m not perfect. I’m learning to love my imperfections. And ironically enough loving those imperfections is slimming my waistline as a result. One of the best things about this weekend was putting on the dress that I tried on a month ago and it was too big by several inches!!! YES *double backflip*!!!!! It is afterall all about the journey. This journey is just beginning as I’m branching out onto the unbeaten path, up the hill, through the overgrown brush, and getting a few scratches for my effort. But it’s going to be really rewarding to get to the summit of this mountaintop and watch the sunrise. I love a new day and a chance at new beginnings. Stay tuned!

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